Michael Waldstein gave an overview of the situation of the family as educator in human and Christian values, from the point of view of the United States and Canada. One of the interesting things about this short talk is what it suggests about the relationship between parents and schools in the education of their children. Most parents have a strong reliance on schools for the education of their children; this can be expressed in a language of "delegation" of responsibility for education from the parents to the school. But if, as Michael Waldstein suggests, quoting Pope John Paul II's Familiaris Consortio:
The right and duty of parents to give education is
[1-] essential since it is connected with the transmission of human life;
[2-] it is original and primary with regard to the educational role of others, on account of the uniqueness of the loving relationship between parents and children;
[3-] and it is irreplaceable and inalienable, and therefore incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others" (John Paul II, Familiaris consortio, 36).
then that "delegation" can never be absolute or complete. Indeed, it should not be a "delegation" at all, but a collaboration with the staff of the school.
In the context of the United Kingdom, the relationship between the school and family is probably nearest to this collaboration during the primary years; in the secondary years, due to the increased specialism of the subjects taught and the size of many schools, the sense of collaboration is rather less. What can parents do to make sure they do not give up what is their inalienable role in educating their children?
1. Find out, and understand as far as you can, what your children are studying in each of their subjects. This then becomes shared territory with your children.
2. Find out, and understand as far as you can, what your children are studying in Religious Education and in any programmes of personal and social education. Find out what texts they are studying in English, what plays or activities they are undertaking in drama, what work they are studying and producing in Art, what works they are studying and producing in music. These subjects, more than any others, will be forming the culture and values of the children.
3. Find out, properly, what is being taught in Sex and Relationships Education.
Another interesting point made in Michael Waldstein's talk is that, during holiday times, it is not unusual for parents and children to quite genuinely not know what to do together. This arises partly as a result of parents being at a distance from what their children are doing at school during term time; and partly as a result of the pressure of situations where both parents are working, and so have little time to spend with their children in the evenings and at weekends. To avoid this "generation gap", parents need to be able to spend more time with their children.
Something I only realised after my parents had died was that, at no time during my life, was there a time when I was uncomfortable being with them or uncomfortable about them being with me. Looking back, I feel that this began when I was very young and used to be taken out on Sunday morning walks (quite long, as I realised after a nostalgia trip to places we used to live) by Dad; it continued when Dad used to come and watch me playing home rugby fixtures at school; and when I regularly visited both my parents in their last years. And, because it started when I was young, when it came to teenage years, it simply never occurred to me that things were done any other way. Not going to Mass on Sunday never arose as a possibility! [Don't worry, I had then, and still have, a strongly independent streak - from my Mother's side of the family.]
In the last paragraph of his talk, Michael Waldstein refers to home schooling:
In describing the situation of the United States and Canada, however, I must also point to a more radical way in which parents are becoming involved in the education of their children, namely, homeschooling. According to recent credible estimates, there are about two million families in the United States that educate their children at home. My wife and I have eight children. We have been and are educating them from first grade all the way up to the end of high school. Four of them have already entered universities. The main reason why we began home schooling was the report we heard from close friends about the effect of home schooling on their family. The children, they said, became more friends with each other, because they shared the same experience of schooling in the home. The parents also became more friends with their children, because they shared more of their life. Like many other homeschoolers, we have seen that the global youth culture is not an irresistible force. It is possible to pass on our own Christian culture. The generation gap is not inevitable.
Families that are not able to home school can learn something from the home schooling experience. It is necessary - and possible - to build for your family its own culture. This culture does not have to be the same as the prevailing, highly secularised culture of the world around us; it can be different.
Now all of this is about how something mentioned in a more theoretical way in one of my earlier posts is put into practice in daily family life. It is all about trying to share a genuinely common life, firstly between husband and wife, and then with the children of a family.
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